Twice-exceptional and gifted students often face more adversity in school than their neurotypical peers. This is often due to their complex cognitive nature. An unfavorable school environment that does not match the academic or sensory needs of a child is considered a school adversity. Additionally, pressure to unnaturally conform to school norms, unwanted social isolation, frequent, unhealthy squabbles and negative interactions with peers, gender discrimination, as well as bullying, are other examples of school adversity that gifted children may face daily. Even an exhausted student-teacher relationship falls into this category, and it can wreak havoc on a child’s wellbeing.
Some children that pertain to these gifted and 2e adversities also have one or more additional serious adversities coming from the home arena: verbal, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, family separation, divorce or death of a parent, economic hardships, long-term impacts of covid-19, a mentally-ill parent, and racial inequalities (U.S. Department of Education, 2019). What can be done to help ensure all possibilities to develop better resilience in our bright and quirky children’s troubles at school and beyond?
Some children seem to be epigenetically more resilient than others (Palix Foundation, 2023), but it appears that a combination of both nature and nurture are key. Doll & Song (2023) state that in order to overcome adversity, children need three major ingredients in their life: 1) a rewarding and caring relationship with an adult; 2) plenty of opportunities to practice autonomy; and 3) strength-based elements that nourish children’s hope and optimism.
These three ingredients can serve as a recipe to increase success for children to “bounce back” inside and outside of school. This article provides ideas to support this resiliency framework for high-potential, neurodiverse children, but it is important to also have a holistic picture of a child’s resilience “tipping scale” (Harvard University, n.d.). The more positive experiences that support well-being and resiliency, as opposed to negative experiences, make it more likely for a child to have better emotional wellbeing, health, academic success, strong relationships, and security (Palix Foundation, 2023), despite the adversity in their lives.
Experiences at critical stages of child development modify how genes are expressed. Over time, supportive relationships and serve-and-return experiences can shift the fulcrum in a more resilient direction, strengthening brain architecture so that a person is better prepared to bounce back from significant life stressors (2023).
A REWARDING & CARING ADULT RELATIONSHIP
Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child (n.d.) states, “The single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult.” Children are constantly watching as adults model how they deal with their own adversities and day-to-day frustrations. Children who have a dedicated adult who can share in the same interests and model resilience during challenging times will have more learned strategies to overcome difficulties. This valuable adult can be a music teacher, a sports coach, babysitter, or a family friend who shares the same interest as the child.
While all children benefit from having a grounded, nurturing parent or mentor to show them the way, gifted and twice-exceptional children often need these kinds of adults for social-emotional survival. “If we want them to achieve, we must link them with achievers” (Berger, 1990; Weinberg, 1989). “One of the most valuable experiences a gifted student can have is exposure to a mentor who is willing to share personal values, a particular interest, time, talents, and skills” (Berger, 1990).
Tips for Parents/Care-takers
- Aim to make regularly scheduled one-on-one “dates” with your child in any kind of activity that is enjoyable.
- Be mindful of how you, as the adult role model in your child’s life, model reactions to your own hurdles in front of your child.
- Take care of your own wellbeing—mental, emotional, and physical—so you can be the best version of yourself for your children.
- Coaches, teachers, religious leaders, special-interest group leaders and family members can all serve as positive adults for guidance.
- Let your child’s special interests lead you to positive adults who enjoy the same things.
An Animal School
The video An Animal School: A Tale of Gifts, written by Lin Lim and Adam Laningham, illustrates some common school adversities among gifted, 2e students.
In the video, the character Okapi was picked on at school for acting different from peers and lacked a caring, like-minded adult who could have modeled that being different can be a good thing. On the other hand, Peacock Mantis Shrimp had family mentors who nourished gifts and talents outside of school; homeschooling and family support allowed that character to flourish and shift the tipping scale toward resilience.
PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES TO PRACTICE AUTONOMY
Opportunities and environments that allow children to practice autonomy and perceived self-efficacy are important for gifted and neurodiverse children. Teach children that it is okay to fail and make mistakes; they should learn to own those mistakes and practice solving problems independently.
Mistakes reflected upon, without constant hand-holding, will foster resiliency. If parents always solve manageable problems for children, kids miss chances to build coping skills for larger challenges. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child notes that resilience comes from the interaction between the child and their environment. Children need autonomy to learn in their environment, and sometimes lessons learned will hurt, but such experiences contribute to gratitude and long-term wellbeing.
Tips for Parents/Care-givers
- Be open to sharing your own failures with your children and the lessons learned so they do not fear failure.
- Let your child figure out some of their own problems with age-appropriate scaffolding; listen more than you talk and ask what they think they should do.
An Animal School
In An Animal School: A Tale of Gifts, Sugar Glider Possum was labeled a failure at school and believed it. Bumblebee represents a resilient student who remains optimistic despite bullying, illustrating how varied outcomes depend on support.
NOURISH CHILDREN’S HOPE & OPTIMISM
The third ingredient for resilience is a range of elements that nourish hope and optimism: stress-dissolving hobbies, regular exercise, mindfulness practice, and involvement in clubs or programs that build executive functioning and self-regulation. Focusing on talents and strengths—special interests—can boost self-esteem and put a child in their “happy place.” Cultural and religious support structures can also foster belonging and resilience.
Tips for Parents/Care-givers
- Surround your child with their special interests and with people who share those passions.
- Make regular exercise and mindfulness part of routine, such as a short walk after dinner or listening to a kids’ mindfulness app before bed.
An Animal School
In An Animal School: A Tale of Gifts, Gharial was not given time to focus on swimming talents, which limited chances to build resiliency; a talent-focused approach at school might have yielded different outcomes.
Conclusion
While school is often where adversity occurs, it can also be a critical site for intervention that supports healing and resilience building (U.S. Dept of Education, n.d.). When gifted and twice-exceptional children are supported with mentors, age-appropriate autonomy, and strength-based elements, the outcome is greater wellbeing. Nietzsche wrote, “Out of life’s school of war—what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” Gifted and twice-exceptional children will come out stronger when positives outweigh negatives.
References
Berger, S. L. (1990). Mentor relationships and gifted learners. https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/mentor-relationships-and-gifted-learners/
Chui, A. Y. T. (2023). Life is pain: Why a life without pain guarantees true suffering. Lifehack. https://www.lifehack.org/625387/a-painless-life-may-sound-enticing-but-its-the-guarantee-to-true-suffering
Clasen D. R., Clasen R. E. (1997). Mentoring: A time-honored option for education of the gifted and talented. In Handbook of gifted education. Allyn and Bacon.
Doll, B., Song, S.Y. (2023). Enhancing Resilience in Classrooms. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-14728-9_28
Harvard University. In brief: What is resilience? https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/
Lim-Goh, Lin. (2023). An animal school: A tale of gifts [Video]. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4etWS0emb0
Palix Foundation. (2023). Resilience: Why do some of us bounce back from adversity better than others? https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know
U.S. Department of Education. (2019). Understanding the importance of creating positive school climates to support students facing adversity and trauma. https://safesuportivelearning.ed.gov/sites/default/NCSSLE-Trauma-Adversity-Brief-508.pdf
Weinberg, H. (1989). One plus one [film].
