In September of 2024, I participated in my first ever parent support group through SENG. At the close of the six-week session, parting with other parents of twice-exceptional (2e) children was bittersweet. While I had known some of them before, sharing our wins and challenges, opening up about ourselves, and being vulnerable took these acquaintances to the next level. Parenting 2e kids is intense, complex, and often lonely due to the lack of resources and misunderstanding from the rest of the parenting community. When you find your people – those who really get it – you make a very special connection with them that lifts you up, fills you with hope, and gives you the energy to go on.
My personal journey of finding such connections has been rocky (O’Neil, 2023; O’Neil, 2024). When I realized that both my kids are twice-exceptional, I was relieved to finally understand the reasons behind my parenting struggles. Now I would be able to find help and connect with other parents who experience the same challenges, I thought. However, wherever I looked – public schools, gifted private schools, special needs groups, the Russophone and interest-based communities – I still felt confused, helpless, misunderstood, full of doubts, lonely, stressed, and not quite included. Later I learned that my experience was not unique.
Twice-exceptional (2e) students are both gifted and have learning differences, such as ASD, ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, and others. High intellect with intense interests and asynchronous development – two major characteristics of twice-exceptional students – present challenges for parents and educators because they are unequipped to provide support and appropriate educational experiences (Rubenstein et al., 2015). This is especially true for those with extreme asynchrony. Studies indicate that traditional schools address the challenges of twice-exceptional students by providing special education services but disregard their strengths by not providing gifted services (Huber, 2007; Dann, 2022). As a result, the unique needs of 2e learners are not being met, which creates a stressful environment for the students and their families (Monterusso, 2022). Research shows that because parents of 2e children prioritize their kids’ needs over their own, they often suffer mentally, socially, financially, and maritally, contributing to stress levels and burnout (Gentles et al., 2019).
Further, according to the International Labour Organization (2018), we are in the global crisis because there is a shortage of caretakers who often provide support in poor working conditions and without pay. Parents are part of this group, providing direct and indirect care for their kids and families. But who takes care of them?
Parents of 2e children need support just as their children do. Parent support groups, including SENG Community Groups that follow the SENG Model (DeVries & Webb, 2007) are able to provide information about common challenges and common practices used to alleviate them. They are also a place for parents to share lived experiences, parenting struggles, and coping and emotional care strategies within a group of understanding and like-minded caretakers (Grennan et al., 2022).
While there are no currently published studies on the effectiveness of support groups that specifically serve parents of twice-exceptional children, Bentley (2024) explores the effects of supportive programs on the stress and anxiety levels of parents of 2e children in her doctoral dissertation. The dissertation shows that there was a clear reduction in parents’ stress levels after completion of specific support groups, as well as an understanding of the importance of creating an environment for 2e children that focuses on their strengths and talents. Further, research around support groups for parents of children with learning challenges, such as ASD and ADHD, and separately for parents of gifted children finds that such groups benefit parents (Saranli & Metin, 2014), help them gain social, behavioral, educational, and emotional skills (Cole et al., 2017), lower their anxiety and stress levels (Sharma et al., 2022), and increase their sense of well-being (Hock et al. 2022).
As I discovered through personal experience, SENG Community Groups create opportunities to form connections, reduce stress and anxiety levels, and gain the energy to continue on the parenting journey. To raise awareness of the importance of care and support, as well as those who perform it, whether directly or indirectly, paid or unpaid, October 29th was proclaimed as International Day of Care and Support. Though October has come and gone, let’s take a pause and celebrate our immediate caretakers, without whom we would have not gotten to where we are today.
References
Bentley, G. (2024). The Effect of a Strength-Based Education Program on the Stress Levels of Parents of 2e Children. http://bgs.edu/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/GB-Final-Dissertation-1.pdf
Cole, L., Kharwa, Y., Khumalo, N., Reinke, J. S., & Karrim, S. B. S. (2017). Caregivers of school-aged children with autism: Social media as a source of support. Journal of Child and Family Studies 26 (12), 3464–3475. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0855-9
Dann, M. (2022). A Case Study of Parent Experiences and Reactions to the Assessment Process of their 2e Children. https://losangeles.bridges.edu/uploads/6/3/7/5/63751333/dann_disertation_copyright.pdf
DeVries, A. R. & Webb, J. T. (2007). Gifted parent groups: The SENG Model (3rd ed.). Great Potential Press.
Gentles, S. J., et al. (2019). Parent engagement in autism-related care: A qualitative grounded theory study. Health Psychology and Behavioral Medicine 7 (1) 1-18. doi.org/10.1080/21642850.2018.1556666
Grennan, L., Nicula, M., Pellegrini, D., Giuliani, K., Crews, E., Webb, C., Gouveia, M., Loewen, T., & Couturier, J. (2022). “I’m not alone”: A qualitative report of experiences among parents attending virtual parent-led peer support groups. Journal of Eating Disorders 10 (1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40337-022-00719-2
Hock, R. M., et al. (2022). A pilot study of a co-parenting intervention for parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 31 (8), 2091-2107. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-022-02278-1
Huber, D. H. (2007). Clinical Presentation of Autism Spectrum Disorders in Intellectually Gifted Students. University of Iowa.
International Labour Organization. (2018). Care work and care jobs for the future of decent work. https://www.ilo.org/media/415041/download
Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50 (4), 370–396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346
Monterusso, K. (2022). Lived Experiences of Twice-Exceptional Students and Their Families: The Effects of Toxic Stress in Learning Environments. https://losangeles.bridges.edu/uploads/6/3/7/5/63751333/monterusso_dissertation.pdf
O’Neil, Y. (2023). Where is our tribe or better yet, where are our people? REEL 2e. https://www.reel2e.org/post/where-is-our-tribe-or-better-yet-where-are-our-people
Rubenstein, L. D., et al. (2015). Lived experiences of parents of gifted students with autism spectrum disorder. Gifted Child Quarterly, 59 (4), 283-298.
Saranli, A. G., & Metin, E. N. (2014). The effects of the SENG parent education model on parents and gifted children. Education and Science 39 (175) 1-13. https://doi.org/10.15390/EB.2014.3078
Sharma, S., Govindan, R., & Kommu, J. V. S. (2022). Effectiveness of parent-to-parent support group in reduction of anxiety and stress among parents of children with autism and ADHD. Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine 44 (6) 575–579. https://doi.org/10.1177/02537176211072984
