In the first part of this article, I introduced a gifted-specific look at the stages of psychosocial development, adapted from the work of the psychologist Erik Erikson. In this second part, I will go more deeply into the stages of development, exploring how they manifest themselves across the gifted lifespan.
STAGES OF GIFTED CHILDHOOD
Trust vs. Mistrust (infancy)
In this early developmental stage, a gifted infant must develop trust in their (gifted) self, trust in their body, and trust in their carers. If they are developmentally faster, qualitatively different, or physically or emotionally needier than other infants, and if this is not recognized and/or responded to appropriately, children can develop, already at this stage, mistrust in themselves and their surroundings. Gifted people sometimes report remembering at the age of one or two years old being very different than other children; feeling understimulated, bored, slowed down, and not appropriately mirrored or nurtured by their parents or social environment.
Sometimes this awareness only comes into play when the person is already an adult, looking back on how they were raised. Neuronal patterns can become firmly set even in this early age; if an infant senses they cannot trust carers to see and respond to their needs, they may develop patterns of mistrust rather than trust. In therapeutic work it is important to help them understand that conditions create feelings, not ultimate realities, and that trust can be gained at any point by learning to identify and meet unique needs or reach out to others who validate them.
Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt (toddlerhood)
This stage is about developing the ability to take care of basic (gifted) needs. Problems arise when carers don’t understand needs such as advanced intellectual stimulation or reduced sensory input (especially with twice-exceptionality). If basic gifted needs are not recognized or modeled, the child can develop shame and doubt and fail to become autonomous in identifying and meeting those needs. If autonomy develops, the child learns self-regulation of intensity and how to occupy, stimulate and calm their gifted mind.
Many gifted adults are stuck in this phase, chronically invalidating or ignoring their gifted needs because they never learned to take care of them. Working with adults here often involves normalizing the need for a “second childhood,” removing shame, and practicing basic self-nurturing skills.
Initiative vs. Guilt (early childhood)
This stage focuses on developing a sense of purpose in action. The existential question shifts from “Is it ok to be me?” to “Is it ok for me to do, move, and act?”. If a child’s gifted interests and aims are not validated, they may recoil (freeze), become aggressive (fight), people-please (fawn), or withdraw into fantasy (flight). These adaptations avoid the developmental task; exploration of personality preferences and authenticity helps validate gifted aims and build initiative.
Industry vs. Inferiority (middle childhood)
This stage is oriented toward the world outside the family: “Can I make it as my gifted self in the world of people and things?” If prior stages were unresolved, this question is asked from fear, shame, or inferiority. Adults who complete earlier stages can then focus on how to translate values and needs into real-world action, remove obstacles, and create fitting opportunities. Rarity does not equal impossibility; working as a minority often requires more effort to find a fitting audience.
STAGE OF GIFTED ADOLESCENCE
Identity vs. Role Confusion (teenage years)
Independence from the family leads to social questions of “Who am I? And who can I be?” as a gifted person. Without hope, will, purpose and competence, identity questions can lead to masking and role confusion. Helping people ask these questions in a self-affirmed way usually requires revisiting and completing earlier developmental tasks so identity can be formed authentically rather than as a response to others’ expectations.
STAGES OF GIFTED ADULTHOOD
Intimacy vs. Isolation (early adulthood)
Early adulthood concerns the quality of relationships, contribution and intimacy. If identity was formed in a distorted way, attempts at love often appear as projection, codependence, or fight/flight/freeze/fawn adaptations, leading to forced isolation. Therapy focuses on skills for being with reality without projecting pain, setting boundaries that allow self-nourishment while connecting meaningfully, and cultivating self-authority.
Generativity vs. Stagnation (middle adulthood)
Adults ask “Can I make my (gifted) life count?” Those who learn about their giftedness later may need time and support—therapy, coaching, mentoring—to understand and align with their gifted self. Many mistakenly measure their success against neuronorm standards and feel existential distress; understanding neurological differences can be liberating.
Integrity vs. Despair (elder years)
Resolution of this stage is the development of wisdom and satisfaction with how one expressed giftedness: “Is it ok to have been my gifted self?” or “Am I satisfied by how I expressed my giftedness?” Retirement or reduced work demands can create opportunities to pursue activities that answer these questions affirmatively.
YOUR OWN SECOND (GIFTED) CHILDHOOD
I hope this discussion helps you identify where you may have become blocked in your gifted development and where to focus efforts to validate and fulfill developmental tasks. You may need to redo earlier stages because of trauma, neglect, or other life circumstances; there is no shame in learning how to grow up once you are already an adult. Gifted-specific therapy, coaching, community, mindfulness and self-development work can provide the mirror and support needed for healing, play, exploration and fulfilling each stage of development.
This article has been adapted from a module in my Gifted Psychology 101 Course for psychologists. If you are a psychologist, coach, or other helping professional who would like training on best supporting your gifted clients, consider joining one of my upcoming courses.
