How to Charm Gifted Adults into Admitting Giftedness: Their Own and Somebody Else’s
In my current experience and view, the biggest “social issue of the gifted” is the painful misfit between implicit beliefs about giftedness by the non-gifted and the gifted alike and the actual or perceived reality of very many gifted adults.
That misfit leads to utter loneliness: it impedes sharing deep feelings and experiences related to giftedness, and it often leads people to avoid calling themselves gifted because they believe giftedness requires eminent achievement. This obscures the relevance of information about special personality characteristics of highly intelligent people, often called their “gifted identity.”
In the course of this article I will expand on some aspects of this gifted identity. The importance of being aware of such identity is explained by Andrew Mahoney (1998) in “In Search of the Gifted Identity,” where “identity” encompasses the complexity of all aspects of “who I am.”
Mahoney’s Four Constructs
Knowing one’s giftedness and having a well-developed sense of identity as a gifted person are crucial for the self. Mahoney introduces four constructs that influence gifted identity development:
- Validation — an acknowledgement that one’s giftedness exists as corroborated by others and oneself.
- Affirmation — continual reinforcement of the nuances of an individual’s giftedness through experience and environment.
- Affiliation — association with others of similar intensities, passions, desires, and abilities.
- Affinity — attraction toward that which nourishes and resembles yourself: a calling rather than a yearning.
Each construct combined with various systems (Self, Family, Cultural, Vocational, Educational, Social, Psychological, etc.) illustrates the complexity of gifted identity and can guide assessment or counseling interventions. The absence or caricature of these constructs often leaves gifted adults with a missing link in explaining their experiences.
Extra Intelligence or “Xi,” an Easy and Accurate Trigger Tool
Before elaborating why implicit beliefs about giftedness persist, I introduce the concept of “eXtra intelligence” or Xi and compare Xi with giftedness. After discovering our own giftedness, my partner Annelien van Kempen and I worked with gifted adults and coined the term Xi to provide a less loaded, accessible way for adults to recognize characteristic patterns of intensity, curiosity, autonomy and so on.
Our Five Characteristics of Extra Intelligence
We mark Xi by five characteristics and suggest that recognizing at least three may justify further investigation:
- Intellectually able: grasps complicated issues, leaps in thinking, low tolerance for trivialities.
- Incurably inquisitive: persistent curiosity, many interests, low tolerance for boredom.
- Need for autonomy: prefers independent work and reacts badly to tight control.
- Excessive zeal in pursuit of interests: inexhaustible energy while engaged, but may drop projects when curiosity is satisfied.
- Emotionally insecure, intellectually self-confident: cognitive certainty combined with emotional doubt; vulnerable to perfectionism and impostor feelings.
Xi and Giftedness Compared
There are four main differences between Xi and giftedness: Xi emphasizes recognition of personal characteristics and can be self-validated; giftedness is often tied to a high IQ measured by third parties. Giftedness is linked to childhood education and achievement expectations, while Xi appeals directly to adults and their life fulfillment. All with very high IQs may be Xi, but not all Xi score high on conventional IQ tests. Xi is framed neutrally; giftedness is emotionally loaded with expectations of eminent achievement.
Can You Believe You Belong to an Unusual and Most Diverse Population?
Xi offers a low but robust threshold that can charm individuals into investigating their own giftedness and understanding how they are gifted. Recognition of Xi helps people reinterpret their biographies, uncover hidden talents, and find satisfying ways to use their capacities. Clients often report relief and empowerment when their experiences receive coherent explanation.
That Awful Word Called “Gifted”
Many adults reject the label “gifted” because mainstream definitions equate giftedness with outstanding achievement, creating unattainable ideals and social stigma. Using Xi as an entry point often enables adults to accept and explore their characteristics without the burden of those expectations.
Giftedness as Performance and as Process
Mainstream definitions often link giftedness to performance (achievement). Alternative conceptions, such as the Columbus Group’s asynchronous development, define giftedness as a lifelong process involving advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity. This process orientation helps explain qualitative differences in inner experience that persist across life.
Xi as a Logical Tool in the Development of a Gifted Identity
For gifted adults, autonomy and self-directed information are crucial. Xi supports Validation, Affirmation, Affiliation and Affinity in ways that are less invasive than formal testing, helping adults build self-confidence and strengthen identity at their own pace.
The Importance of Positive Labeling and Maintenance
Xi makes giftedness more palatable and accessible. Carefully framed articles, readers, workshops and small-group events (for example, “Birds of a Feather Flock Together”) help people recognize Xi and connect with like minds. Concepts such as Dabrowski’s overexcitabilities (reframed positively) and Piechowski’s work on intensities can aid recognition and maintenance of talents. Treat Xi like a precision tool that needs respect and maintenance: when cared for, it enables individuals to thrive and contribute.
References
Selected references include works by Auel, Bell, Clance, Jacobsen, Mahoney, Morelock, Piechowski, Powell & Haden, Renzulli, Rocamora, Rowling, Streznewski, Tolan, and de Vries. See original sources for full citations.
